If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

At this point.. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. I understand the anger and frustration on both sides but at this point anything negative things you say has already been said. Write a letter, tear it up. Type and note a delete it if that is what you have to do to work through your feelings. This might be mine…

I am heartbroken. Not because my candidate did not win but because I’ve lost hope. I’ve spend the past decade trying to connect people here and abroad. To get them to see we have more values and concerns in common than we do different. I’ve spent my time rejecting negativity, always trying to understand where someone comes from and why they believe the things they believe.

For the past two days I’ve spoken with 80 students in my 4 different classes and fielded questions about our political system and explaining to them why their countrymen feel so differently. In my intro to business fashion class we talked about trade deals, how in order to gain more profits jobs went overseas. In my retailing class we talked about unskilled labor and the effects low income jobs have on families and communities. And in my Trend Analysis class we talked about generational wealth and how we give power to the rich by buying their products. We discuss endlessly about the cheap goods that come into this country and how easy it is to manipulate customers into consuming more. I’m always trying to plant the seeds for them to create their own businesses which will create products and jobs that are good for humankind.

During my classes I prop them up with hope. Its all going to be ok. You live in a part of the country that has jobs, education, disposable income, and endless opportunities to coalesce. But at some point the cracks of despair start to shown through. Why bother? Whats the point? Why am I wasting my breath? My bubble of positivity is broken. My am I spending my time trying to educate others that the items they buy will not bring them happiness? Why am I asking others to pick a cause and care deeply for it? I am a single women, with an education whom can do whatever she pleases. I should say fuck this and go stare into the water in Jamaica. I should go meditate in India. I should go buy a house in the suburbs and have some children that will love me unconditionally. I should stop welcoming others to share their problems with me but well just take care of me.

I judge my parents and their friends for bowing down to consumerism in the 80’s. So full of optimism and joy in the 70’s I did not understand why they gave it up to have children, jobs, and a mortgage in the suburbs. I’m starting to get it now. I may be the most powerful woman the world has ever seen, I control my reproduction, I choose my career, I’m influential within my community, and I have no master. I am confident, self assured, and do not place much value on what any man or woman thinks of me. I am my own person. With that freedom comes a sense of responsibility to help others, to take on their struggle and strain. That is why at this time I feel such pain and sadness. I want to bring people together, I want to create positive environments where we are learning and growing from each other but even my most positive friends have gone dark and ugly.

I blame facebook. Once upon a time your community, unconsciously most of the time, would set forth social norms and behaviors that would acceptable. Now each one of us has a voice, a platform to spew as much hatred without a second thought. There is no way to shun this person into conformity. If you do not like what someone has to say you can unfollow them or give them a frowny face. A conversation is impossible since a complex thought or subject has to be boiled down to just a few sentences.

So what next? I honestly want to drive down to those middle states and visit a church. I want to talk with some white women, who have not been to college, and are single mothers. I want to ask that old grandpa what it was like when the old Rubber Made factory was still in town. I want to understand their struggle and their strain. I want to give them hope that we have more in common than we do different.


How A. Bernadette is Sustainable

“Sustainable design is a philosophy that seeks to maximize the quality of the built environment while minimizing or eliminating the negative impact to the natural environment.” Jason F. McLennan The Philosophy of Sustainable Design

How do we maximize quality while minimizing negative impact?

Short Term Solutions

Zero Waste: A. Bernadette uses recycled and natural materials to make beautiful garments, accessories and housewares. We accept donations of fabric from individuals and corporations. We bring these materials to Uganda and use every single piece.

Sometimes it’s easy. Our Butterfly Dresses has a simple design that uses the entire width of the material. The one piece that is cut away for the neck hole is used as scrap to stuff pillows that our tailors make and sell in Uganda.

Sometimes it’s more challenging. Our towels are made from recycled bath towels and donated material. In their first design, we removed the edges and the rib of the towel and cut them to make 11 x 11 inch squares. This resulted in thin pieces of scrap which were used to stuff pillows, but they weren’t really used. For our second order, we decided to fold the entire towel into 6 or 8 pieces to make a set. This means some towels will be a bit bigger than others, but size doesn’t matter, reducing the amount of waste does.

Long Term Commitments

We know the artisans we work with and are committed to working with them. When we find a new product we like, we give examples to artisans and hire local experts to teach new skills. It would be easier in the short term to buy crafts from any of the numerous artisans in Jinja, but we don’t.  We trust the artisan groups to work together and with us as full business partners. When we have questions about a design or are negotiating a price for a new item, we know who we are talking to and trust in our long term relationships to be honest with artisans and know that they will be honest with us. Our business is based on these relationships we are committed to people: we pay our artisans fairly and collaborate with them as equal partners and present our customers with the highest quality products and services; planet: every single item we design and create reduces waste and emphasizes function and beauty; profit: we are committed to profit sharing and transparency with customers and artisans. As we profit, we will expand and increase our product range to offer more fair trade products to customers and more opportunities for artisan groups.

If these walls could talk they’d say “We’re so bored.” Sitting at a cafe in Jinja waiting for good coffee.

Table 1: A British man in his late 60’s with a northern accent and two Ugandans: a big man who does all the talking and a smaller, silent partner, discuss religion. The big man says, “You know the Muslims are 15% and the evangelicals are 10%. They are leaving us for the Pentecostals now. The Rastafarians, you know the ones with the long hair and the drugs, took over entertainment with the homosexuals. The parents want to help keep their children clean, so they tell them to go to the Pentecostals for entertainment. We are losing members.”


Table 2: American backpackers discussing their recent raft trip. “I got stuck under the boat. It was crazy, I definitely thought I was going to die.” One girl’s voice is significantly louder than the others. She uses the phrase “developing country” in every sentence.


Table 3: A white woman and her chocolate toddler.


I’ve sat at each one of these tables before and participated in all of these conversations. I’ve argued, stupidly, with old men about religion, trying to explain my point of view, that gay people presented no threat and in their own Ugandan history, before Western involvement, kings had both wives and husbands.


I’ve been the girl with the loudest voice at the table, blathering on and on about various near death experiences in developing countries.


My demographic now (single, educated, 30s woman) is chocolate baby territory. Many Ugandan and Western women choose when to have babies, husband or not.

KISS – Keep It Simple Stupid

It’s the small things that make the difference. I don’t know about you, but I am deeply affected by simple, daily events. If I don’t get a good night’s sleep, I am going to be grumpy the next day. When I’m not sure what I am supposed to be doing, I become depressed and realize that my life is meaningless.

I left my home in New York City at 4pm on Thursday and arrived in Jinja, Uganda at 7pm Saturday. My flight was delayed out of Newark. We stopped in Lome, Togo for a few hours and weren’t allowed to get off the plane. I missed my connection in Addis Ababa and the airline sent me to a strange hotel for the night. None of these things bothered me. I enjoy the liminal space and the expectationlessness of travel. The directions are specific: stand here, line up there, take off your shoes, give me your passport and ticket, fasten your seatbelt, eat this, watch this. If I stand in line long enough, I will get to where I want to go, most of it is out of my control.

So I finally arrived and things got difficult. I needed money, food, and a local cell phone number. I had to make decisions: use the ATM or wait for the bank to open on Monday? How much to withdraw? Which will give me the best rate? Eat fried chapati or negotiate for vegetables and cook? Which cell phone company? Buy a cheap phone or put a SIM card in my American phone?

Each decision is followed by another. The $100 bills aren’t the newest and will get a lower rate. Do I still exchange them? The vegetable lady is definitely overcharging me, but it’s only by $2. Do I argue? The phone is registered, but stops working after an hour. Do I go back to the same woman on the street who I bought it from or throw myself against the masses at the actual store?

The decisions multiply and become more challenging. I go from bank to bank to see which has the best rate for the old bills. I negotiate with the vegetable woman, who doesn’t lower the price, but throws in an extra tomato. I go to the cell phone woman again and again, each time thinking the problem is solved only to have the phone stop working a few hours later. Then I shove my way to the front of the line at the store, declare my problem in a loud voice, and am told I have to get a passport photo and a copy of my driver’s license in order to register my phone.

My accomplishments are unfortunate. I get Ugandan money, bring it straight home for safe keeping, and don’t put enough in my wallet to buy what I need. I shop and cook and eat all the food immediately. No one answers my phone calls.

I can’t sleep. I go to bed at 10pm and wake up at 2am and fall back asleep at 6am and sleep until noon. I’m inadequately feeding myself, making unanswered phone calls, and staying in my room for more than 12 hours. I am at the functional level of a 3 year old.

Through the grace of the Internet, I meet with Gerald and talk about work and family. He tells me Group B has already scheduled a meeting for the following morning, no phone necessary. I put money in my wallet and drink nice coffee. Harriet from Group A answers the phone. Betty from Group C answers the phone. Joyce the tailor calls me! Betty and Kymbi answer the phone. I sleep through the night. I find the tiny purposes of my life: walking around a strangely familiar tropical town, talking with my friends about the work we will do, eating a peanut butter and banana chapati, and somehow, it’s enough.    

5 Obvious Things That Have Changed in Uganda


  1. More construction and more traffic! The ride from Entebbe to Jinja. I saw widened highways, new overpass construction, and new traffic signals. It took more than 5 hours during the day on Saturday. Let’s blame Kampala.
  2. Doing business on Sunday! A big chunk of the market and most of the supermarkets were open. And clothing stores. And nearly everything on Main St., Jinja. Watch out Sabbath, commerce is here.


  1. Nice cars! BMWs and Volkswagens and even a Hummer…in Jinja! Most driven by Ugandans. Assuming people are coming over from Kampala for the weekend.
  2. Internet! The house I stay in has (mostly) functional wifi! Boda drivers are taking calls on their smartphones…while driving! (Someone please donate headsets) Tinder is in Uganda!
  3. Big buildings! Five stories and more. So much scaffolding, I feel like I’m in Midtown Manhattan.


Racism is the symptom, Not the disease.

Half of my news feed on FB is black lives matter and the other half is all lives matter. The BLM comes from my “new friends,” ones I met while traveling or living in NYC as an adult. The ALM friends are “old friends,” those I grew up with in my very white town in New Jersey. One foot in each places I see the hurt from both places. Not just the hurt from the recent events but the drug abuse, lack of educational options, and general lack of opportunities that have been going on for years.

Once the shooting in Dallas took place I immediately thought this isn’t a race thing.. this is a mental health and gun thing. I was surprised to see nothing on face book pointed to mental health. Simultaneously the militarization of the police department has been seldom spoken about. Who are these two men who took police officers lives? Military men who have no place in American society. They were trained experts in killing and brought back to a country with little mental health support and a gun loving culture. Men that once received great respect but are now lost in a culture that promotes independence and resilience; not care, support, and love.

I support Black Lives Matter because as an ambiguously brown woman who has lived in countries that has no 911, I feel safe calling the police and anticipate a positive interaction when they arrive. However, if I were black the series of events that take place after calling the police is significantly varied and negative. As an American we ALL have the right to feel safe, and protected from the police. Its a terrifying thought that the 2nd amendment was created for the general population to be able to fight against the military if a situation arose where a significant group felt their rights, safety,  and freedom were being challenged. Is this not exactly what is happening to our citizens of colors? Shouldn’t the second amendment supports be happy? Obviously not but doesn’t this turn the gun rights debate on its head?

My meager two cents… The police department is an independent body, not run or controlled by any government body. No general oversight of these 18,000 police departments across the U.S., some offer non bias training and some are run by extremely racist citizens. What I believe needs to happen moving forward.. Put down your banners, stop fighting your fellow powerless neighbor on whether black lives or all lives matter and find out when your local government meets. Go to the meetings. Go to your police department and find out the names and backgrounds to your local police officers. What is the culture? How do you want it to change? What social services does your community offer to veterans? Who are your veterans? What mental health services does your community offer? Join groups that advocate for more services. We’ve yelled, and cried enough. Now is the time to sit down with your neighbor, opponent, or foe and make a list of problems, make a list of possible solutions, make a list of the key players and start DOING the work and enough COMPLAINING about all the problems.

This was written fast… and deserves so much more time, stats, research, and love but had been rolling around my mind and needed to be put to text.

Dear Diary…

Dear Diary,

This the first day of the rest of my life. ha ha – Wait, wait… lets rewind. I can not start a post like that. I’m no longer 5 1/2 but more like 5 1/2 squared. Moving on…

Today is the FIRST day of my 2 month long summer break. I’ve got a long list of goals waiting to be crossed off. As I start off on this journey I wanted to take a moment and speak about motivation, perseverance, and STRUGGLE. How do you achieve these things when there is no person, other than yourself, pushing you to do so? How do you stay on track but more importantly feel good while following that track?


I’ve never lacked motivation. I believe there are two types of people those who can’t relax until their list of chores are done and those who can’t tackle those chores unless they have first relaxed. I am the former. In order to accomplish those chores first you need A LIST. On the train think of the first 3-5 things you are going to do once you want in the door. It might be pee, hug fam, and drink some water but have some sort of game plan and anticipate the vibe that you are walking into. Each morning I wake up, open up a google doc that I have had since Jan. 2013. I add the date and list out anything I want to get done. There is no organizing, numbering, or delegating. Just randomness that needs to get done in the next day, week, month, or year. Next, I do the HARD TASKS first. Get those out the way. Lastly, I CROSS THEM OUT when finished.

A&A Notes


Now you may be thinking… You are insane, you write a to do list everyday. Take a look at the dates… I think there is a bit of a gap there no? Life is a marathon, not a sprint. I do wake up most days ready to live life to the fullest but by noon… I’m pretty useless. I know the times I work best and I make the most of them. I also stop a smell the roses… a lot! Feeling guilty about not doing the work  is worst than simply ditching the work. Give yourself permission to slack off, at least you feel in control. Do an activity that isn’t directly helping you achieve your goals but nourishing your soul in another way. I may have to great 50 papers but I’m going to take the lunch break to walk around the park to clear my mind. I will not be sitting watching Youtube videos thinking just one more and I’ll grade a paper. Any action is better than in action.


The struggle is real… Its hard to comment on struggle now a days. So many have internal struggle that is hard to identify, others struggle with outside oppression. Our commonality.. EVERYONE STRUGGLES. Don’t ever think your problems are worst than others. You are doing yourself no service by being a victim in your own mind. Many people will say to surround yourself by positive people who lift you up and yes that is true. I also find great motivation by surrounding myself by those who have people. People I can help if only by listening. Listening to them puts my life in perspective and shows me so often the struggles I have are not struggles at all but just unrealized opportunities. With FOMO, and YOLO we can not simply surround ourselves by those who are “better” than us but surround ourselves by a well balanced group of people who share, love, and support at different levels and at different times.

Thats all she wrote.. Back to striking items off my list!